Marital Advice – Tip #3 for a Better Marriage

This time, we’re talking about facing reality. We might imagine that, as long as a person isn’t suffering from a serious psychological illness, the older he gets, the easier it is for him to accept reality and deal with his problems realistically. Yet when we contemplate things, we can see that every one of us still has a lot to learn about accepting things as they are.

  • How much effort, anger and frustration do you invest in expressing your dissatisfaction with your spouse’s unchangeable character traits?
  • How much effort, anger and frustration do you waste in thinking about your dissatisfaction with your own unchangeable character traits?
  • How much anger and frustration do you accumulate by denying God’s will as He revealed it to us in His Torah and in the words of our sages, telling us what He wants and what He hopes we will achieve?
  • How much faith do you lack despite the fact that God’s compassionate  word is constantly with us  promising us wonderful promises about the future of the world?

If you identified any of the above sentences with your own sentiments, then you, like most of us, are afflicted to some extent or another by this familiar syndrome.

Hey, but now, you have just taken the first step towards rectification! You can now accept that and accept the challenge to improve the way you face reality!

You are on the way to being born anew! How much joy is there in that realization?

That said, we have to realize that accepting reality is not an excuse for weakness and doesn’t mean that you aren’t prepared for reality to change. But we have to come to terms with it and realize that if we don’t have the power to change the way things are, then it’s certainly not worth while getting angry over or feeling guilty aboute. Anger and guilt cannot achieve change. So, let’s invest our energies in more productive fields! 

Have a successful time working on yourself!

This article was translated from the original Hebrew by Rahel Gordon, an experienced writer and translator. You can view my JobShuk profile here

Marital Advice – Tip #2 for a better marriage

In our previous tip we spoke about the importance of a weekly date and how to incorporate it into our lives. This week we will deal with coming home. This may seem to be of minimal significance, but from my experience, this tip is of utmost importance.

My weekly tip to you is:

Come home with a smile!

Coming home is a sensitive and very important moment. When you come home, you expect to be able to relax and to feel that you are in a welcome environment. The very expression, "coming home" conjures up an automatic sense of warmth and affection. We all need a place where we can feel relaxed and unwind from the various encounters we have had throughout the day.

But let’s think about the person who is at home at the moment we come in. They have also been through various experiences and may be waiting for someone to share their feelings and frustrations with, who will appreciate the efforts that they have exerted throughout their day. They may even expect some help and to be relieved of the responsibility and monotony of caring for the children or doing endless chores around the house.

This state of conflicting interests takes thinking about. Just being conscious of it may not be enough to actively solve the problem, but even so, it will make it easier for personal and mutual understanding. Obviously, if you do take steps to improve the moment, it will help even more. A smile, a warm word of affection and glance of appreciation can make a wealth of difference!So, take coming home as a moment of challenge!

Remember, marriage is a wonderful opportunity for giving, so it’s important to make a conscious effort to understand your spouse’s needs and to try your best to make him/her happy.

An important exercise that can help you to improve the quality of  "coming home" is to take a quiet moment alone and imagine how your spouse feels at the moment you walk in the door and how you can make simple changes in your behavior that will help your spouse feel more comfortable as you come in.

Simple changes like these are all it takes to make married life more agreeable for everyone!  So, go ahead and try it!

This article was translated from the original Hebrew by Rahel Gordon, an experienced writer and translator. You can view my JobShuk profile here

Marital Advice – Tip #1 for a better marriage

Reports say that about 35% of all couples who marry in Israel will eventually get a divorce. In the western world and in particular in industrialized countries, the percentage is even higher and the vast majority of those couples who originally pledge fidelity with sparkling eyes and hearts full of love, find themselves in a tragic whirlpool of difficult emotions that eventually lead to divorce. Within 2-7 years their lives become full of pain and emotional scars that are difficult to heal. Tiffany Fina Law Firm successfully deals with such cases.

A different scenario, but not much better, is emotional separation in which both spouses live together while remaining emotionally detached from one another, full of anger, complaints and tension against each other.

In this blog, I will offer you a weekly (bli neder!) tip that will improve your marriage. You can put it into practice right away! Please offer feedback about the positive effects this tip has on your marriage and encourage others to try it too.

My weekly tip to you is:

A weekly “date” with your spouse

Well, this sounds so simple and trivial and many of you may say that you already speak to your spouse enough. But the type of date that we are talking about here is something that goes beyond the regular technicalities (“Did you cash that check at the bank;” “Don’t forget to pick up the children at 1pm;” “We need milk, butter, sugar and eggs at the supermarket”) and touches the very foundation stone of the relationship.During your dates, you should create a pleasant atmosphere that is reminiscent of those old-times when you were originally dating. In addition to chatting freely with your spouse, you can take the opportunity to talk about the goals that you want to set for your family and discuss possible ways to achieve them.

It’s a good idea to keep to the following rules during the date:

1)     Make it regular – the date is the very heart of the home and the foundation stone of your family. It should therefore never be cancelled. If there is no other choice, you can move it to another day of the same week.

2)     Be positive – always try to express yourself in a constructive manner; don’t put your spouse on the defensive!

3)     Help your spouse understand you – transmit your feelings and central thoughts with the aim of helping your spouse to understand you and your needs and wishes and to identify with them. There is no reason to remain oblique with the person with who you chose to build your life-project!

If you decide to put this tip into practice and keep a weekly one-hour date, it will offer your marriage the gift of your life.This tip comes with a 100% guarantee for improving your married life. If you don’t do it, it won’t work!

This article was translated from the original Hebrew by Rahel Gordon, an experienced writer and translator. You can view my JobShuk profile here