Four Weddings and a Social Media Funeral: Are Our Web Friends Really Friends? Take The Test…

 

 Image Credit: psychcentral.com

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Four Weddings and a Social Media Funeral:

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Are Web Friends Really Friends? Take The Test…

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Social Media. Social Media. Social Media. It’s everywhere!

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It’s maddening. It’s nauseating. It’s the newest craze both in social terms and in the Business world. And it sucks!

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If I have to read another business blog article titled "10 Ways to Succeed With Social Media," I swear…swear, I will puke!

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And if I have to see another statistic about how many "friends" you have on Facebook (I read an article today about a guy who has 12,000), and how many "followers" you have on Twitter (plenty of people, apparently, with 100,000 and up)…no, I won’t puke…rather, I’ll challenge you to take the following quiz:

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Four Weddings:

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Cake Image Credits at bottom

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Your son is getting married next week. Your daughter is getting married in December. Your mother is getting married for the sixth time in March. And so are you, for only the third time, next summer. That’s four weddings.

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How many of your 10,000 Facebook friends will wish you well and offer congratulations? How many will send a gift?

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Like 100 or 200 at most? Why? Because the fact is you don’t even know 98% of them! Who knows 10,000 people? Who even "knows" 1000 people? People also, from what I’ve read, invite and accept people they don’t even know? Go figure…

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And the ones you do know via "Fakebook?" Yeah, a good portion are people from high school who never said a word to you or who you never said a word to, who…just for the hell of it…decided to be Facebook friends.

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"Hey Roger, I know we never spoke even though we lived in the same neighborhood from the time we were two until 12th grade. You beat me up twice and threw my Schwinn 10–Speed off a cliff though…but hey, what have you been up to for the last 25 years? Shall we connect and talk of the good old days?" "…Why not old chap!"

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I read another story today…about a company which "sells" Facebook friends!?! Only $50 to $100 each to make you look nice and popular! Brings new meaning to the old Dale Carnegie book "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

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…and a Funeral…

Image: squidoocdn.com

Heaven forbid, I repeat Heaven Forbid your funeral is anytime soon. You should have many more years of life, happiness, health and Tweeting.

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So Mr. or Mrs. "I have 150,000 followers on Twitter," how many of those "friends/followers" will follow you to the grave-site to say goodbye?

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Maybe 100? Yeah, the 100 who would have come anyway (aka…your "real" friends).

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Why? Because if you are like me, and most people, 45% of your Twitter followers are spammers (Nope, loans_4_all, Fendi_Miu_Miu and Sports_Gambling are not really following you); another 45% are pornographers (lovebunnies69 and sweet_nookie_nookie are not your friends), and about 8% are people who you followed and therefore felt guilty about not following you back! So they followed you to ease their collective conscience. That leaves about 1 to 2% that really want to follow you. To where? I have no idea.

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I myself have about 800 Twitter followers (considered "Loser" status in the world of Social Media for a businessperson who’s been at it for a year!). Were I to delete the "dead wood," yup the spammers and purveyors of porn, I’d probably be left with about 40. Subtract those who follow me out of "guilt," and I probably have about 15 solid followers, I say with a tear in my eye.

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"Dear Dr. Cramer, it’s Yoni. I feel worthless. Can you please up my dosage of anti-depressant?"

Image: bowlofcheese.com

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Is Social Media Really Social?

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Image: vivaprograms.com

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No!

It’s actually just a big, stupid lie that they ("The Powers That Be") have told us, and by the millions upon millions, we have bought into it!

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Why? It makes us feel good and boosts our egos! Gee, I’ve been unemployed for eight months, my house is in foreclosure and my wife left me. But hey, at least I have 13,000 Social Media followers! If I need to borrow a few bucks to buy my medication, that’s 13,000 "pals" I can turn to. Hooray!

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And in the framework of Business (this is a Business article after all), it’s all bullshit! As businesspeople we engage in Social Media because it’s good for our own businesses! Along the way we meet a few special people with whom we become friends, perhaps even partners. A few being the key word! Not 100,000!

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As far as that test I asked you to take…here’s a bonus question.

 

It is practical more than theoretical. It is a challenge, in fact, more than it is a question.

The next time your car breaks down on a lonely stretch of highway at 2:00 a.m., reach for your laptop and tweet for those Twitter "friends" to come and help you…

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Image: 4.bp.

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And see which one of those spammers/friends and pornographers/followers is the first to offer you assistance!

Hey, here comes sweet_nookie_nookie now with a set of jumper cables!

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 Dear Reader, the preceding manifesto/diatribe/rant, represents the viewpoint of one individual…a person who loves Guinness Beer, bowling, his wife and kids…and HATES Social Media!

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 _____________________

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Looking for a writer yo*****@******************ip.com

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Yonatan Maisel is a business blogger, history buff and author.

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If you’re looking for a "lap-dog," look elsewhere; if you’re looking for a writer who will "kick ass and take names," he might be for you! From corporate bios to ghost-blogging, from speeches to research…and everything in between, UNBRIDLED SATISFACTION is the goal! 

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Yoni started a business blog one year ago. 90% of his new clients now find their way to him as a direct result of having read one or more posts. He is a regular contributor here at www.jobshuk.com.

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Cake Images: 1) webweaver.nu   2) cksinfo.com   3) snappycasualgifts.net   4) fotosearch.com